IMPORTANT THINGS YOU NEED TO CONSIDER
BEFORE ENTERING A RELATIONSHIP
1. TOO MUCH, TOO SOON
When you are the midst of receiving an abundance of attention and affection from a person you are attracted to, the last thing you want to do is cry "Halt!" However, that's exactly what you need to do. Don't put a halt to the attention and affection, but give yourself some time to think.
Your ability to think things through is a precious and wonderful gift that, unfortunately, most of us throw out the window as soon as our emotions get going. The first thing to ask yourself is "Is this a person I really want to get involved with?" Just because he throws flower, gifts, compliments, and soulful looks at your way doesn't mean this is an appropriate individual for you to welcome into your life!
2. JUST HAVING FUN
"Well it doesn't really matter who he is, I'M just having fun. I'm not looking for "forever" lover," you say, "this is just for now." You may think you can just have fun and perhaps that is so. But what if the other person is serious about his or her attraction to you? What do you think might happen if a potentially violent individual realizes you are treating his or her for you lightly? Toying with people's emotions is not wise, and even less so with violently inclined individuals. whether you are interested in just having an affair or looking for a lifelong friendship and mate, do not give in to the emotion of the moment at the expense of your ability to think. Pay attention to who your partner is.
3. WHO IS YOUR PARTNER?
Whirlwind beginnings usually last about three months. During that time, it is extremely important for you to repeatedly ask yourself, "what do I know about this individual? Does what he wants in his life fit with what I want in mine?"
"Yes, but, you ask, "won't that spoil all the fun? who wants to ask questions when you're in the middle of a romantic moment?" Who said you have to ask such questions in the middle of a romantic moment? There are plenty of quiet times between romantic moment to do so, and these are the very questions that may save you from becoming involved with a dangerous individual.
4. THE PUST FOR INTIMACY
Intimacy and sex are not synonymous. It is perfectly possible to have sex without being intimate. It is equally possible to be intimate without having sex. Intimacy implies tenderness toward and closeness with another person. When you are intimate with someone, you become vulnerable to that person. You are revealing all of you -- the good parts, the not-so-good parts, and the downright nasty parts. You trust your partner to treat you and all the part of you with caring and respect. Intimacy, therefore, is grounded in trust. Until trust has had an opportunity to develop, it is difficult to let go and be genuinely intimate with someone. Trust takes time to develop. It cannot be forced, just as you cannot force someone to be intimate with you, in the true definition of intimacy as tenderness and closeness.
5. "MAKING" LOVE HAPPEN
When someone makes intimate gestures very early on, physically or verbally, he or she may be trying to force a close relationship into exercise prematurely, before there is a genuine foundation for such intimacy. People generally try to force intimacy in order to create a bond, to "make" love happen as opposed to allowing love to happen. Abusive individuals, who are poor self-worth and low self-esteem, are afraid (on a subconscious level) that they are worthless. They fear that if you get a chance to know them, you'd probably see they are worthless and want to have nothing to do with them. Abusive individuals push intimacy in the hopes that you will fall in love with them, and that once you fall in love, you won't leave them even when you discover their worthlessness.
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